2.

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
-Morrie Schwartz

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”
-Judy Garland

The clock is ticking late into the night.

The clock is ticking late into the night,
It is ten past two.
I’m sitting here alone,
And I am missing you.

You are peacefully sleeping.
Your mind is far away dreaming.

I am anxious to sleep,
For that is when I see your delicate face.

In my dreams of distortion and fantasy,
I know I am complete.
You are near me,
And my heart starts to replete.

Happiness.

Until I wake up and the sun warms my skin,
I lay there alone,
And the joy in my heart instantly grows thin.

3 more weeks.

Such a strange feeling I now feel inside.

Merry Christmas.

&& Happy Birthday Jesus. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful, healthy, and loving family and such wonderful friends and boyfriend. This was a interesting year with its many difficulties and successes. I am more than ready to begin 2011. Happy holidays...spread the love and happiness. xoxoxox.

Day by day.

Such a simple, delicate love.
Such a complex, inevitable world.

Constant love overcomes difficulties, day by day.

I miss you.

Days.

3 days until Christmas.
7 days since we've been apart.

So many mixed emotions I feel right now.
So much joy and love, yet so much emptiness and wretchedness.

How do I handle such opposites,
That are trying to intertwine in my heart.
They try, then give up, because there is no relation between them.
No connection.

My heart feels heavy.
Days are passing, and I continue on.

11 Days.

Ti'll Christmas!

Final project for my painting class. Santa mug :)
Day 2(Finished):


Day 1:

Beauty.

Loving.

The new KOL.

Oh...

...hey happiness.

-God is good.
-My family is everything.
-My best friends are my sisters.
-My boyfriend is indescribable.

I am happy. I love life.

Blinded by His true essence.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,
and saves the crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18

______________________________________________

I forgot the feeling,
Of Your pure love beating in my heart.

You got pushed away,
So far I could barely find You.

Doubt took over me-
And I began to feel so hopeless,

For I used to know you so well.
Mortal possessions and experiences truly got in the way,

Creating cobwebs to grow,
And hide You.

I've never felt so lost, so alone,
So desperate to seek for Your love.

Yet all along,
You have been there in my heart,

Waiting.
Waiting for me to reach out.

You put obstacles in my life for me to conquer,
Or for me to fall upon and hurt.

Not being around the things that used to support me,
Made me realize that it tested my grasp on You.

To see if I could hold onto Your love,
And keep it in my heart.

To spread it,
Make it contagious.

I thought I lost You,
But now I found You.

You were there the whole time.

Waiting.
Just waiting for me to reach out.

I guess the saying is sometimes true,
"Out of sight, out of mind."

I was blinded,
Even with your true essence,

Being everywhere.
Your beauty flows,

Your love swarms.
Now I see You again.

This love is rekindled,
A love that means to me the most.

An inner relationship between me and You.
Above all religion, above all of the world, above to You.

I know you are there.
Always waiting,

Waiting for me to simply reach out.

December 4th, 2010.

I can't take my eyes off you.

I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Long, long day...and quite strange. Long days always cause me to write a lot. Here are a couple poems that I wrote today.

Happy.____________________________________________

Once separated from my love,
Now soon I will be back in his arms.

His grace, his beauty, I long to see.
To look in his eyes, and let our love run free.

Repeated days together, endless hours spent.
Then our worlds pulled us apart,
Disturbing the beat of our hearts.

Once separated from my love,
Now soon I will be back in his arms.

His laugh, his voice, I long to hear.
To listen to him, and let his unconditional love,
Put me to sleep in a world of heavenly dreams.

Soon I'll be with him,
Back in the arms of my love.


Sad.____________________________________________



Cold tears begin to reach the edge of my lower eyes,
Making my chest feel so heavy,
And my emotions collide.

Here we go again; I’m getting stuck in the world of darkness,
Not knowing any clue of how to get out,
And only seeing repeating trees whispering in the gloomy air.

Cold tears now running down my face,
Making my skin feel freezing,
And my thoughts run to a place I cannot trace.

The leaves are falling from these hopeless trees,
As the wind blows,
Creating a chilling bitter breeze.

Cold tears of being lost, empty, confused.
The darkness refuses to show the light.

Leaving me hopeless,
Until the end of the night.

Cold tears hit the damp earth like rain falling from the sky,
Reminding me of nights I’ve experienced times before.

Yet the light will come,
The light will come,
After the end of the long dark night.

Love is the harmony, desire is the key.

Give thanks.

thank·ful   
[thangk-fuhl] Show IPA
–adjective
feeling or expressing gratitude; appreciative.

(Dictionary.com)

I may be wrong, but I think many in society go about their lives taking the things they were blessed with for granted. Luckily, Thanksgiving is the day that makes individuals recall how lucky they are to have such great families, friends, and especially great lives.
However, after today, we should let these important figures know that we are so appreciative of them regularly, and not take them or the other things around us for granted.

Just a simple sincere thank you to a significant other can touch them immensely and go along way.
So go ahead...brighten a day and give thanks!

Home.

I'll be back home in two days! I miss VTA, CA.
"You give me miles and miles of mountains, and I'll ask for the sea."

Just a few more years...

And then I will be here.







Come away with me.

Stop.

Stop.
Take a look.
What do you see?

See past each image,
and seek deeper within.

Let the color saturate your soul,
and let its meaning purify your mind.

Stop.
Take a look.
What do you see?

Even in this world of cruelty,
I can see that there is beauty.

Never lose hope. Never give up.
Seek the beauty in the world,
And let it move you.

Permanently.

November 16th.

November 14th.

No matter how blurry my world may get, you are my clarity.


DMP. <3

Sometimes.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up,
Even though I know it's best not to.

Sometimes I just want to surrender,
Even though the white flag reveals weakness.

My struggles are breaking me down.
Bit by bit, day by day.

I reminisce on the good days I had back in a world that is now gone.
A new life is here, and it is still so foreign.
So unknown.

Its rough leaving the place that you loved the most;
In hope for better, for worst, for everything.

These times up here can be good, and can be bad.
And right now,
They are bad.

A roller coaster this new life is.
It goes up and down.
It spins me round and round.

The thrill is exciting,
Yet the swirls are sickening.

Polar extremes.
Hard to handle.
Hard to cope.

Yet at the end of the day...
I still have hope.
Goodnight.

College.

College is hard...really hard.
Then again if it were easy, it would be boring.

So I guess I'm glad college is hard for it makes me a stronger person.
Bring it on, college.

Fog.

I thought California got heavy fog,
I must say though, I think Oregon has it worst.

Random...

liking for this song.

Chilly Tuesday.

Eyes are the gateway to a person's soul.

I thought.

I thought I knew what happiness was, but I've experienced bliss like this before. I thought I knew what love was, but I've never felt like this before.
Pure.

The Temper Trap.

This seems.

This seems to be so unreal.
To have such passion burning in my heart,
And it is all for you I feel.

Scary at times, actually at most.
When I catch myself daydreaming,
Of you sitting with me on the coast.

My Sweet Seeker, you are now in my heart.
You broke down my wall,
So please, don't tear my heart apart.

It is time.

It is time,
For me to go
Far away.
Momentarily.

Back to the old place,
That I used to call home.
Where the breeze runs free,
And the air is salty and clean.

It is time,
For me to go
Far away.
Momentarily.

To see the ones that stuck in my memory,
As I left them for this new place.
To view the land with the golden rolling hills,
and the vast epic sea.

It is time,
For me to go
Far away.
Far away back home.

12:00 AM

More and more each day.

I am falling for you.

"A constant in my thoughts."

It is.

It is a lovely sunny day outside. Life is beautiful- with its ups and downs.
I am thankful.

Waterfall.

9/25/10

"Happiness depends upon ourselves."
Aristotle

Imperfection.

Imperfection- a fault or defect.
No one in this world is perfect, and we all make mistakes. We get caught up in the moment, and then suddenly get knocked off of our feet. We only learn from these type of situations; they only make us stronger. You live and you learn as you hear many say. The true beauty of downfalls is the glory of discovering a lesson and working on a certain imperfection you continuously battle with. Live life, work hard, fail, and you will grow.

Life is too precious too fret over a bump in the road.
In other words, LIFE GOES ON.

Blissful.

Sweet Seeker.

Sweet Seeker,

Look past my image,
And see deep within my soul.
A radiance of kindness and empathy,
Will shine onto your delicate face.

Leaving you speechless,
Searching for words without any trace.
Breathe sweet one,
And see deep within my soul.

Grasp the truth that lies beneath my skin.
For there is where you will find the realness of me.

Seek me, and I'll seek you.
I'll get lost in your darkest of seas,
And learn the ways you look upon life.
I am an ice berg,

And darling, you are too.
Look below the chilling waters,
And discover the beauty that hides so well.
Because that is where the genuine side to each individual is found.

See deep within my soul.
Seek, learn, grow.
My sweet, sweet Seeker.

Week 3.

I love Portland.

Thursday.

Seeker Of Truth by E. E. Cummings

seeker of truth

follow no path
all paths lead where

truth is here

Old school.

9/5/10

Irrelevant.

Yet beautiful...and melancholic.

Summer Cold.

Settling in.

I can finally feel the anxiety slowly but surely lifting off my shoulders. Orientation is now over and I had my first day of school today; I must say, it was amazing. I have never felt so joyous and anxious about wanting to learn and strive to do my ultimate best. Also, my classes are everything I could ask for. I am so ready to take on this new journey in life and give it my all.

I must say though, I AM BEAT.

Foreign.

I am in a foreign place that I call home by myself for the first time. This is strange. I don't even think I can describe what I'm feeling right now because there are so many positives and negatives running through my mind. All I know is that I will be okay.

I used to.

I used to never blog, but now I am blogging all the time lately. Strange.

Anywho, I MOVE IN INTO MY DORM TOMORROW. I'm so amped. Today was long and productive. While being productive, I was thinking...a lot, about certain things. I wish I could say what I was thinking about buuuuut that wouldn't be too good. I have to keep some things a mystery :)

First Afternoon/Evening in Portland, Oregon...

...was amazing. After arriving in Portland around 3 in the afternoon, my parents and I went to my favorite Italian restaurant on NW 23rd street. Then we cruised downtown, enjoyed the warm weather, and wandered the urban streets. Today was pretty successful and I am very happy.

I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore.
Day two is coming up...hopefully it is as great as today.


***Leaving your comfort zone gives you brand new eyes***
Nighty night.

PS: I miss my friends.

Farewell California.

The counting is over, and the time has come.

One of my personal favorites.

August 21, 2010

THREE DAYS.


I am overwhelmed with so many emotions.
Happiness
Excitement
Nervousness
Fear
Joy
Love...I love love.

The list could go on...

Change is good, yet can be petrifying. In the end though, it will result in something that is truly beneficial to life. It's late and I'm rambling and jumping from subject to subject. Probably because I'm...overwhelmed! Goodness. Time passes too quickly.
I like getting to know people and building friendships...its quite lovely and this song below is lovely as well.
...I need sleep. Goodnight!

7 Days.

ONE WEEK!...until I leave.

August 15, 2010

I haven't really "blogged" before besides writing poems and posting some good songs every now and then, so I guess I will start tonight.

Its 2 AM and I can't sleep. Today was long, good, and bad...a roller coaster I guess you can say. As my departure date for Portland keeps getting closer and closer, each day seems to be slipping by into thin air leaving me on edge. I do not know what to do with my last days here in this town I call home. Of course I will spend quality time with my family, friends, and peers, but I feel like I need to do so much more. It is as if I am in a dead zone, and there is nothing I can do because time is blinding me.

Time. 9 days now. Time and I haven't been getting along too well. Now I seem to understand when someone much older than me says "time passes quicker as you grow older" because it really does and it is quite frightening. But that is a part of life, and I am learning to cope with it. I have learned a lot these past few weeks and one word seems to surround each lesson: inevitable.

So much is on my mind; I am very overwhelmed and confused. I keep catching myself dazing off thinking about things that sadden me, and I blame my subconscious and fate for that. But I remind myself that the light is at the end of the tunnel, and I my future is very bright.

I have been living in the moment these past few months, and now it is time for me to not only live in the moment, but also live in the future. Prioritize and prepare- I will be experiencing a life changing experience in a matter of days.

I guess I should get some rest now, it is late.

Things I learned or relearned today:
-Always be the bigger person in every situation
-Anger doesn't solve problems
-Surround yourself by people that make you happy and love you dearly
-You can't please everyone (I have a hard time dealing with this one)
-Kindness is essential

Goodnight.

10.

Ten days.
Ten days days until I leave.
Until I branch out of the light, and into the dark,
Where I will discover indescribable things, such wonderful things.
Where I will fall, hurt, and suffer.
Yet I will learn.

Ten days.
Ten days until I leave.
Until I have to say farewell to many loved ones, friends, and others.
Where I leave my state, my city, my home.
Where I will adjust to an unknown place.
Yet an unknown place I will call home.

Ten days.

Sunday Sunday Sunday.

Soul Shaker.

Jammin?

PS: Its my birthday.

The pit.

I see you,
Right through your eyes,
Into the pit of your heart, the pit of soul.
I see you.

We stare

We stare at each other with great ardor,
As the days keep passing by,
And we realize it is only getting harder and harder.
Our feelings are pleading out they do not want to lie,

But we tape their mouths shut,
Because we cannot bare to hear them cry.
Every goodbye just creates a new cut,
That builds upon my heart.

Yet it still manages to smile,
Though the future will eventually rip us apart.
Our minds refuse to grasp what lies ahead of you and I,
But we both know it is obvious to the eye,

That what will happen is inevitable,
And it will lead to a sullen sigh.
We will fight it,
And try to make it bend,

Yet time will continue on,
And we will eventually have to give in.
Goodbye to you my Darling for time has run out,
And we have fatally grown thin.

Two lost souls.

A cold morning

ee cummings

i thank you God for most this amazing by E. E. Cummings


i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
wich is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Seek happiness.

It is good for you, and good for others too. Once you find happiness, hold onto it, and never let it go. Doing so, that happiness will blossom and grow into something you cannot imagine.

Happiness is good. Seek it, enjoy it, spread it.

My most recent favorite song.

Music

Music with emotion, thought, soul, and sincerity is LOVE.

Aka: City and Colour.
I will never get sick of Dallas Green (singer for City and Colour)

His lyrics parallel with my style of writing, maybe that is why I enjoy his music so much.

I really like...

the lyrics of this song. the actual video is kinda distracting from the song but oh well :)

Gloomy sunday morning.

Where was the goodness in your heart,
That you show me?
Why was it hidden on that night,
When something wasn’t meant to be?

Actions always describe who you are,
No matter how much you say.
And what you did,
Just pushed me further away.

It was not inevitable.

Confess.

He hears my thoughts,
and sees what I see.
He catches me as I fall,
And safely lets me free.

Unconditional love is what He brings.
And in return I give my all,
and my praise as I sing.

Though at times I can be distant,
deep down I am still there.
I love Him with all that I am,
and give Him all of my care.

He is the sign,
And He is the light,
That keeps me shining,
In the darkest of nights.

The Dark will never reach me;
I am unreachable.
For He is forever mine,
and I am forever His.

Portland.

Leaving to visit for a couple days...possibly my future home?

Town of Small.

What is here in this town of small.
My mind is distracted on somewhere else,
Listening to its call.
A piece of my heart is what I will leave behind,
In this town of small.
But my eyes are ready to open up my mind even more.
It is ready to grow.
It is becoming quite bored of this tedious repeated show.
Goodbye town of small,
I will be forever gone when it is fall.
Goodbye...goodbye.

Sometimes

This song inspired me to write this morning about some situations I have been dealing with lately. The poem is a bit iffy...needs lots of work, but I had to get it out of my thoughts and written down. I will work on it more later on.



Sometimes there are those people in the world that you cannot change at all,
Even when you give it your full effort, they refuse to grow tall.
"Those people" is you, standing there cold and small.
I want to help, and I want to stay.
But the world is pulling me a different way.
I must go, I have run out of time,
To help you, and guide you in a straight line.
Forgive me, and do not hate me as I go.
Because days will pass, and your true feelings will eventually show.
It is time for goodbye,
And I promise you, this is no lie.
That this is the hardest thing I have ever crossed,
So please, don't let this leave us hostile, and lost.

Time does not matter, we are living.

The air is crisp, the night is clear,
And I am with you.
As we walk, we see fire flies,
And hear crickets too.
As we approach the darkness of trees,
I see you smile.
You grab my hand, squeeze it softly,
And I wish to myself to stay in this moment for awhile.
Time does not matter though, we are living.
We sat down by an old fence,
Surrounded by the darkness of trees,
And talked, endlessly.
You stared at me, and I stared at you.
And we both knew,
Time does not matter, we are living.

St-st-stutter.

With every look and every glance it makes me weak.
I start to stutter, and cannot speak.

I need to...

...post more blogs.

Someday

Someday I will find you,
Smiling and all.
Someday I will love you,
Whole-hearted and all.
Someday I will keep you,
Forever and all.
Someday.

This brought back memories.

A poem I wrote...about a year ago.

I lay here, awake.
My mind is running,
My heart is pounding.
It is silent,
Yet so loud.
Images, everywhere.
I don’t see what I see in this gloomy twilight;
I see what my mind thinks.
Noise, everywhere.
Your voice, your laugh.
Your plea, your cry,
Rushing through my head.
Darkness falls,
Yet I see your face.
I am dreaming now,
And you are here.
Finally, peace.
The corruption is gone.
But this won’t last forever,
The Darkness will soon be back.
I wake to a buzzing sound.
You are calling,
Crying for me now.
Back into reality,
I feel the dark cave in,
Of tortures and pain,
That will never, never be tamed.